What is rOCD and Relationship Obsessions?


Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (ROCD) is when an individual experiences unwanted, intense obsessions and doubts about their feelings toward their partner. They might also experience feeling preoccupied about the "certainty" or "rightness" of their relationship and partner.

These thoughts and feelings are targeted around how they feel toward their partner overall, their partner's character, their partner's appearance, their own sexual desires and how compatible they are with their partner. The preoccupations are all around checking if the relationship is "right enough." They are constantly mixed in doubts, uncertainties and fears toward how they feel and think towards their partner. Most of the time, these obsessions and doubts are fueled by feelings of deep shame and guilt. There can also be a deep fear of speaking about what they are going through to their partner and other people.

Common thoughts in rocd

  • “What if I don't love my partner?"

  • "What if I don't love my partner enough?"

  • "What if I'm not really in love with my partner?"

  • “What if my partner is not 'The One'?"

  • “What if I don't miss my partner enough? Or miss them at all when they're not around?"

  • “What if I’m not really attracted to my partner?"

  • "What if I can't stop thinking about my partners lack of attractiveness and their flaws?"

  • “If I didn't feel sparks or enjoy our physical touch, does that mean they're not right for me?"

  • "Sometimes, I'm not aroused or turned on enough with my partner. Does that mean I don't love them?"

  • “I enjoyed having some time alone today. This must mean that I don't love my partner or really want to be with them.”

  • “I found another girl/guy attractive! Does that mean I don't love my partner?”

  • "If I feel this way and doubt, then it must mean I'm not with the right partner."

  • “Sometimes I don't want to have sex and I'm turned off by my partner, that must mean they're not right for me."

  • "What if I'm missing out on 'The One' by being with my partner?"

  • "What if I'm missing out on life by being with my partner?"

  • "What if I'm missing out on something better?"

  • “If I don't feel attractive all the time with my partner, then that must mean somethings wrong. I should be certain with their attraction all the time"

  • "I can't stop fixating on the negative flaws of my partner or character."

  • Constantly fixating on being compatible or not.

  • Obsessing about what others may think of the relationship.

  • "What if I harm my partner emotionally if I stay in this relationship with them?"

  • "What if I harm my partner emotionally by leaving this relationship because they're not 'The One'"

  • "A person was flirting with me last night, does that mean that I'm not fully committed with my partner?"

Common Compulsions

  • Checking to see if you have feelings for your partner.

  • Checking to see if your feelings for your partner are enough.

  • Comparing your partners attractiveness to others.

  • Checking your feelings toward others and seeing if you find them attractive or not.

  • Checking if you find your partner attractive and then getting instant satisfaction if you find them attractive.

  • Checking feelings during sex to see if you're turned on or turned on enough.

  • Checking feelings during sex if you're emotionally feeling connected to your partner.

  • Comparing feelings you might have had to your ex toward feelings you have toward your partner.

  • Occasionally breaking up with your partner to stop feelings of obsessions and anxieties.

  • Constantly having the urge or needing to confess to your partner about your anxieties and doubts toward the relationship (and feeling slight, but temporary relief after)

  • Constantly feeling the need to confess that you find others attractive.

  • Having an urge to want to break up with your partner (especially immediately).

  • Wanting to avoid saying "I love you" or saying nice things to your partner. (With worry that you'll possibly break up or that you won't mean it).

  • Compulsively asking others what they think of your relationship or if they think you're meant to get married.

  • Avoiding people who may seem attractive or might trigger certain feelings and thoughts.

  • Googling, compulsively researching online about love and relationships.

  • Checking or testing feelings of attractiveness toward other people.

  • Asking family/friends about the attractiveness or compatibility of your relationship.

and more...

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Relationship Obsessions

Relationship Obsessions are very similar to ROCD. The difference is that there is no official diagnosis for Relationship Obsessions. Relationship Obsessions are similar to ROCD when an individual experiences high amounts of doubt and copes through anxiety, obsessive thinking, rumination and compulsive behavior in their intimate relationship. Relationship Obsessions can be resulted from various issues, whereas scientists and psychologists believe it is based in genetics and imbalances of the brain. We have seen the most common occurrences of relationship obsessions develop from a sudden loss in an individuals life, a transition (good and not so good stress), trauma, attachment styles, abandonment issues, engulfment issues and more. The thoughts and feelings are very similar to individuals with ROCD and are again, listed above.