3 Shocking Truths About Love That The Media Doesn't Want You To Know.
So, this topic might be a bit hard to swallow.
Mainly because we've been shown that love is the version seen in Hollywood romance and Disney movies.
I even remember feeling sadness, grief, shock and even disgust toward media when I found out that there was more to love than the Honeymoon phase.
"Dad, why didn't you tell me earlier?" I felt saddened, disappointed, but also extremely relieved.
I wanted to learn more.
... How does this tie into ROCD? Well, many times, our anxieties and obsessions can stem from inaccurate stories & beliefs about love. Stories that we've seen from Hollywood movies based on the Honeymoon phase of the beginning part of a relationship.
It's important to address your inaccurate stories that you carry about love, before diving into working on the obsessions and compulsions.
So, here are 3 Truths About Love that may be hard to swallow (but will bring you comfort if you have ROCD).
1) You Are The Missing Piece To The Puzzle.
What does this mean? This means that ultimately.... you are responsible for your own happiness and your own completion.
Not your friends, not external things that bring about instant pleasure... and especially not your partner. For our whole lives, we've been told that we will finally find the ONE who makes us whole, the ONE who makes us feel as though they "complete us". The reality?
YOU COMPLETE YOUR LOVELY SELF.
* The Good News? Only YOU are responsible for making yourself happy. That means that you don't have to put your happiness on to your partner. You get to take responsibility.
* How You Can Work With This: When you notice yourself looking to your partner to make you happy, see if you can turn that responsibility over to yourself. Instead of saying "What can my partner do to make me happy?", ask yourself "What can I do to make myself happy?"
also, I love this video Will Smith recently posted on love and his partner: CLICK HERE
2) The TNP Moment/Phase (They're Not Perfect)
When I was 18 years old, I had an intense breaking point with the ROCD I was experiencing.
I ran into my dad's room crying.
"Dad, I feel like my partner doesn't fulfill me, I feel like he doesn't complete me. I feel like he's not perfect... and I feel like i'm not in love with him anymore."
He looked at me in the eyes.
"Kiyomi... You're basing your love on feeling... Remember, love is a choice and only you can complete yourself. But, listen... Your prince charming is not coming. Your ideal, perfect person is not coming... But, guess what... here's the good news... YOU are your own prince/princess charming"
I felt defeated, as if I had been lied to my whole life.
As if, after 18 years, I just found out that Santa wasn't real...
*The Good News? Your parter is not perfect and they are not the ideal, Disney version of a princess/prince charming. This is a chance for you to love your partner for who they are, flaws and everything! Your partner is unique, and flawed just like every other human being on this planet.
* How You Can Work With This: List 5-10 reasons as to why your partner is unique and spectacular. Sure, maybe they're not prince/princess charming, but they're unique and wonderful in their own ways.
3) The Honey-wood Dilemma
I call this the Honey-wood Dilemma for a reason.
We are told our whole lives that love is about Hollywood romance, which is scripted off of the first stage of love - the Honeymoon phase.
Hollywood Romance didn't show us that love was going to be a struggle, that love sometimes takes strength, discomfort and endurance, and that sometimes... we won't feel like being around or near our partner, or see our partner. No wonder we get so much anxiety when our partner isn't like the ideal, attractive guy in the movies!
* The Good News? You're starting to understand LOVE... REAL love, not the Hollywood, Honeymoon image of love and understanding this is where the journey of love starts to begin.
* How You Can Work With This: What are some lies you have been told about from Hollywood Romance? Write them down and see if there's a part of you that believes them!
DO YOU FEEL AS THOUGH YOU'VE HELD ON TO THESE FALSE BELIEFS ABOUT LOVE?
HOW DOES IT FEEL FOR YOU AFTER YOU'VE LEARNED THESE TRUTHS?
FOR SOME, THEY MAY FEEL DEFEATED, SAD, SHOCKED, OR MAYBE RELIEVED!
Let me know in the comment down below!