I Used To Feel In Love... What Happened?
Are you panicking because you feel as though you felt out of love with your partner?
Did you used to feel butterflies, passion and excitement toward your partner... but now... you just... feel dull toward them?
Do you feel as though you don't care to have sex with your partner anymore? (Where did the passion go?)
Does your partner all of a sudden feel like a stranger to you, or maybe they just... annoy you all the time?
Do you all of a sudden think other people are attractive or think about your ex?
Well, then... let's talk a little bit about infatuation and the first, honey-wood stage of being "in love"...
According to the BBC, there are two major hormones involved in the feelings of infatuation and also in love. These hormones are called oxytocin and vasopressin. These are the most “feel good” chemicals in our body. Other hormones involved include adrenaline, dopamine, and serotonin.
Did you know that these hormones make us feel like we are on a high or a drug?
Hormones, brain chemistry, and evolutionary changes in the body are all deeply intertwined with our feelings on sexual and romantic attraction.
After approximately six months to two years in a relationship, these hormones wear off. The sense of addiction and feelings of being “high” subside. Ever feel like you woke up one day suddenly and the person next to you feels like a complete stranger? Do you suddenly get annoyed and angry at everything that they do? This is nothing more than the hormones of love and lust diminishing.
This might seem depressing to you. In actuality, a veil is being lifted from your eyes:
This is where true love begins. At this point, you can begin looking inward so as to love yourself and the partner by your side. Hollywood and the media within it tend to portray love in its “honeymoon” stage. This particularly shows through in the classic Disney films—falling in love with a prince, experiencing feelings of addiction and non-stop lusting over the partner. It is unfortunate that Hollywood has instilled us with these false notions of love. We are exposed to these depictions at a very young age, and are ultimately ingrained with the belief that these feelings of lust are the essence of what true love is all about. Step back and take note of what ideas you have on love, and what these impressions mean to you. What images do you think of when you think about love?
Contrary to what Hollywood might tell us, love is about so much more than the honey-wood phase...
"After my teacher introduced us to this theory, she asked us, “is love a feeling? Or is it a choice?” We were all a bunch of teenagers. Naturally we said it was a feeling. She said that if we clung to that belief, we’d never have a lasting relationship of any sort. She made us interview a dozen adults who were or had been married and we asked them about their marriages and why it lasted or why it failed. At the end, I asked every single person if love was an emotion or a choice. Everybody said that it was a choice. It was a conscious commitment. It was something you choose to make work every day with a person who has chosen the same thing. They all said that at one point in their marriage, the “feeling of love” had vanished or faded and they weren’t happy. They said feelings are always changing and you cannot build something that will last on such a shaky foundation. The married ones said that when things were bad, they chose to open the communication, chose to identify what broke and how to fix it, and chose to recreate something worth falling in love with. The divorced ones said they chose to walk away. Ever since that class, since that project, I never looked at relationships the same way. I understood why arranged marriages were successful. I discovered the difference in feelings and commitments. I’ve never gone for the person who makes my heart flutter or my head spin. I’ve chosen the people who were committed to choosing me, dedicated to finding something to adore even on the ugliest days. I no longer fear the day someone who swore I was their universe can no longer see the stars in my eyes as long as they still choose to look until they find them again."
Also: Did you read the 3 Shocking Truths About Love That The Media Doesn't Want You To Know
Want more? Learn more about "What is Love" and "The Stages of an Intimate Relationship" in The ROCD Course.